The flat, rectangular scarf is objectively inferior in every way to the tube. Your friends will point and laugh at your cold neck as your sorry excuse for a rectangle fails to perform the job of keeping you warm, sliding out of place every time you move.

The tube, however…

The tube is glorious. The tube is comfort. The tube is toasty warmth delivered exactly how you need it. Once you go tube, you'll never go back, because the tube is more than a flat rectangle. It's a balaclava, it's a neck warmer, and it's everything in between. It covers your ears, it covers your nose — it covers the gaping hole in your heart from the lie that is a life filled with moral decay.

It's time to leave the two-dimensional flat world behind. Today is the day to join cylinder gang.

Specs

• Politically-correct wool manufactured by glorious workers in the DDR 
• 100% tubular construction
• Cheap, warm, and durable
• Navy Blue: 36.5 cm x 24.5 cm
• Olive Drab: 35.5 cm x 22.5 cm